Cardinal Tears
by whovalista
Summary: "She took a long breath in and started to sob, asking herself and God why she wasn't dying too since both of their hearts had been ripped out." -Set just after 'Red Sails in the Sunset, goes AU after that. Angst. Rated T for minor use of coarse language, slight blood mention and death. Jane/Lisbon if you look hard enough. One shot. Image from Google.


**A/N: Okay, so here is a "mini" one shot.  
To those of you who maybe reading 'Listen to your heart' I'm afraid its going to be a while till I post another chapter. Had a hard time recently and I've been feeling disconnected from it since.  
This story is angsty, I recently had a family tragedy and I needed to write my feelings somewhere and thats where this story came from. I do hope you like it, I have put a lot of effort in. :) **

**Disclaimer: despite me and Bruno Heller being best friends, he refuses to sign The Mentalist over to me. So, I own nothing except the plot to this fic. **

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It seemed like only yesterday that everything was perfect. Well, close enough to perfect.

They had spent the day together, laughing about nothing, talking about nothing just enjoying each others company. Because that's what friends did and Teresa Lisbon and Patrick Jane were no different.

They were co-workers, best friends, each others confidants and soul mates. They hadn't officially entered or even admitted their feelings to each other, but everyone knew that someday the consultant and the Serious Crimes Unit boss would eventually end up together.

There was a time when Lisbon would have denied all knowledge of her feelings for Jane, so she wouldn't have to admit that she had done exactly what she promised herself not to do.  
There was a time when Jane, too, would have denied all knowledge of his feelings for Lisbon. Red John was still out there and threatened everything but he had decided to stop living in fear of a man he barely knew.

There was time... then it all went wrong.

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It should have occurred to the Serious Crimes Unit that Patrick Jane would be the end of them.

He was always causing trouble for them, had been from the moment he joined right till the moment he left. He was always putting their careers in jeopardy, particularly Lisbon's.

But if they knew how it was going to end then they wouldn't have gotten so mad with him before, would have laughed it off like he usually did.

It was a Wednesday the last time Van Pelt, Cho and Rigsby all saw Jane. They had just finished a case and were going out to celebrate at O' Malleys. They had invited Jane and Lisbon with them but Jane had politely declined saying he had something he needed to sort out.

At first they thought nothing of it until Jane had individually spoke to them and wished them well. He had given Van Pelt a hug, Rigsby and Cho a firm handshake and told them to look after Lisbon. He had mentioned how he hoped Van Pelt and Rigsby would find their way back to each other and that Cho would too find happiness.

Jane didn't give them the chance to ask questions, he merely nodded and made his way over to Lisbon's office.

It was a Thursday when Lisbon last saw Jane. She had seen him the previous night when he requested some time off. At first she too thought nothing of it as it was coming to the 11th anniversary of his wife and daughters death. She happily gave him 2 weeks off to make sure he was well recovered. She didn't want to risk another breakdown.

But that Thursday he came to her apartment with Chinese food and a bottle of red wine. If Lisbon had known this would have been the last time she saw him for a while then she wouldn't have made such a fuss.

They spoke of the previous day, how they had been solving the crime together but also how they were so at ease with everything else.

They spoke of the year they met, how Lisbon initially refused to allow Jane to work for them. How she didn't want to cope with this broken man. They laughed at how different it was now and that they couldn't imagine life without each other.

It was at least midnight when Jane made his excuses to leave.

Lisbon had walked him to the door, out of politeness. She thought he would of just said night and left.

But he didn't. He turned to her, thanked her for everything she had ever done for him and gave her a hug. It was exactly the same hug he had given her before he 'shot' her.

He pulled back and Lisbon almost expected another 'love you'. Instead Jane leant towards her and gave her a sweet but slightly passionate kiss on the lips. He pulled away and smiled before walking away. Lisbon stood in her doorway, a confused grin playing on her lips and watched him drive away into the night.

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In retrospect Lisbon should have known something was up with Jane the moment he started behaving himself.

He had been on his best behaviour for the last week and a half but Lisbon chose not to make a fuss. She knew if she brought it up then Jane would just go back to being his normal self and whilst she liked that version of him, she thoroughly enjoyed not having to worry about being suspended.

He was attentive, nice, didn't piss anyone off and best of all, bought her bear claws. He didn't pull any stunts (apart from ones to catch the criminals) and was, for once, the perfect consultant.

She really should have questioned his motives.

It was the Friday after he had kissed her and everyone but Jane was already there. She chose not to over analyse the situation, he was probably asleep in his attic. She chose to leave him up there until lunch.

She went up at lunch, bringing him a cup of tea in his favourite cup and knocked quietly on his door. There was no answer. She tried again and yet no answer.

"Jane?" She asked as she opened the door. She was shocked to see that he wasn't in there. But she was more shocked to find that the little items he did own were gone.

All that was left was his notebook full of Red John suspects and a white little card.

Still holding his cup she marched over and picked up the card. Her mouth dropped into an 'O' and all that was heard was the smashing of Jane's favourite blue tea cup.

_Gone to catch Red John. Figured it out. See you in a little while. Be safe._

As soon as Lisbon found that card she had immediately ran down to the bullpen and let the rest of her team know what she had discovered. Quickly as they could they got onto the SACPD and the FBI to alert them of Jane's disappearance.

Everyone joined together to make the public aware of his disappearance and they begged on live television for him to come home.

It was nice to see the entity of the CBI come together to find the man that Lisbon had come to care so deeply for. But, unlike the majority of their cases, this one didn't get solved.

The disappearance of Patrick Jane was the one crime that Teresa Lisbon didn't solve straight away; along with the identity of Red John.

It had been 6 months since he had vanished yet life for Lisbon didn't give up. Whilst everyone, including her team, thought Jane was dead she refused to believe it or give up. She knew Jane better than anyone and knew he would return to her.

It was a Monday when she heard from someone who she wished she had never come across in life.

Lorelei Martins.

She had received the call at 6pm, just as she was leaving. It had been another long day and she just wished to go home.

"Teresa Lisbon?"

"Speaking."

"It's Lorelei."

Lisbon had jumped from her seat and held the phone closer to her ear. "Lorelei? What do you want?"

"I rang to let you know that Patrick is okay. He's with me now. I just wanted you to know he is alright."

Lisbon let out a little sigh and whispered to herself. "Can... can I speak to him? Please?"

She heard Lorelei shift and heard the phone being transferred to someone else. She held her breath as a male voice spoke.

"Hi Lisbon."

"Jane?! Oh thank god. Where are you? Everyone said you were dead but I knew differently. Where are you?" She asked him, words spilling from her mouth.

"Listen to me please." He asked, chuckling slightly. "I'm with Lorelei as you may have guessed. We've teamed up to bring Red John down and it's taking slightly longer than planned. Lisbon..." he paused slightly, not knowing what to say next.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I'm sorry that I have worried you. I'm sorry for everything. I don't know when I'll be back. But I promise it will be soon. I just need to do this before he hurts anyone else. Don't give up on me; I'll be back before you know it."

And with that he hung up.

Lisbon hadn't realised she was crying until she felt the tears seep through her trousers. He was okay. That's all that mattered.

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Of course they hadn't been to get a trace on the phone call but that didn't mean she wasn't going to give it a try.

Of course Cho thought she was insane, trying to find him. He obviously wanted to be untraceable so why bother?

Van Pelt disagreed, saying it was romantic that Lisbon hadn't given up. Rigsby hadn't commented he didn't want to upset Grace by saying he agreed with Cho.

It was insane; Jane wasn't going to come back.

Once he caught Red John why would he return? After all he would have gotten what he had craved for all these years.

He would have gotten his revenge.

Lisbon often wondered why Jane had aggravated Red John all those years before. Although he was a monster, Red John hadn't exactly done anything to Jane. She supposed it was just who Jane was, the arrogant, self righteous bastard he was.

But he had changed. She had seen it, had seen him change into the caring, considerate man he was now.

The ramblings going on through her mind was to distract her from the fact it had been another month without Jane, making it a total of 7 months.

She wasn't going crazy; she wasn't a madwoman counting down the days he had disappeared. She had promised herself that she would never let a man rule her life.

Yet that is exactly what Patrick Jane was doing, and he wasn't even there.

She had relayed their conversation in her head many times. He had promised that he would come back, even if he was unsure when it would be. But he said he would be back. He asked her not to give up on him and that's what she promised.

She wouldn't give up on him. Not yet. She needed him and he needed her. That's how it was supposed to be.

Another season passed and still no sign of Jane, Lorelei or Red John.

The absence of their consultant had taken its toll on the Serious Crimes Unit. Despite the fact they were sort of close before Jane and Van Pelt had joined, there was no denying that he was the glue that held them all together.

As Lisbon usually kept herself in her office, Cho was forced to stick to his book or go out for his lunchtimes. He was aware that Van Pelt and Rigsby had resumed their previous relationship, they were always giving each other secret smiles, touching hands whenever they had the possibility.

He knew Jane would be pleased. Perhaps that's what gave them the courage, a final offering to their missing consultant.

Cho felt bad for his boss, she had put her life on a standstill until Jane came home. Despite receiving a phone call from him 9 months ago, there had been no contact since. He knew that Red John had got to him, he was sure of that within the first week. But Lisbon refused to give up hope, even after all this time.

He admired her loyalty to him, guessed that's what love was like. Kept you going even through the worst of times. He never had experienced that before, his recent love being Summer. He smiled at her memory and remembered Jane's last words to him.

"_Don't let your job get in the way of your happiness. I know I'm being sentimental but look where it's gotten me. Go and fight for her Cho. You deserve it." _

And Cho knew he did. He deserved at least one chance at being happy and seeing Van Pelt and Rigsby inspired him to do so.

He just wished he could give the same to his loyal boss.

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It had been a year since Jane's disappearance and was 3am when she received the call.

She reached for it, annoyed to find that it was Cho calling her at this time. She flipped it open and grumbled down the phone.

"You better have a good reason for this Cho. I was sleeping you know."

She didn't need to hear his words to know something was up. Cho wasn't one for emotion so when she heard it in his voice she immediately felt fear.

"You need to get down here. Now." He replied, giving her the address. She scribbled it down and jumped out of bed, wondering what on earth got her usually stoic agent all choked up.

She arrived at the motel about 20 minutes after the phone call and was met with police cars, FBI agents and her 3 CBI agents. She was surprised to see Bertram down there and speaking with her old boss Minelli.

She walked over to them, smiling slightly at the exchange. It wasn't everyday that Bertram was at a crime scene and it was certainly strange that Minelli was there.

"Hey Virgil. What are you doing here?" She cheerfully asked. He turned slowly to her and she saw tears well in his eyes. The fear which she had felt 20 minutes before returned.

"I'm so sorry Teresa."

She gave him a questioning look and followed his gaze to a motel room. She saw Cho come out the room and punch a wall. It was in that instant that she knew.

She tore away from Minelli and ran over. She ran past Rigsby comforting a crying Van Pelt, past FBI and other agents she didn't care for.

She ran up the stairs and along the railings. Ran past Cho and other officers who were trying to stop her going in. But she barged past them all and stopped in the doorway.

She was met with the smiley, bloody face which showed her that Red John had indeed been there. She looked around the room, seeing blood on all 4 walls, broken mirrors, smashed glasses before landing her eyes on the body that was lying in the middle of the bed.

Teresa Lisbon's screams could have been heard from miles away.

Lying in the middle of the bed was the someone she had hoped she would have seen again. The man who had vanished for unknown reasons, the man who had kissed her goodbye. The man who promised he was coming back.

She pressed the back of her hand to her mouth, sucked in a breath, trying to hold the sobs in. Her consultant, her Patrick Jane was lying dead in the middle of the bed.

She made her way over to bed, hand still at her mouth and looked down at the man who had once bought her an emerald necklace because it matched her eyes, who once bought her pony because her father never did, who when blind felt her face because he wanted to know what it was like when she smiled, who told her that he would always save her.

He was lying perfectly still, eyes closed, a smile on his now frozen face. There was no blood surrounding him, plenty enough of it on the walls. His blond curls shaped his face perfectly and if it wasn't for the smiley face bearing down on them, she would have been convinced he was sleeping.

She sat down on the bed beside him, bringing her hand onto her lap. She didn't care about the evidence, she didn't care that forensics asked her to move; she didn't care.

The man who she loved was gone. He was never coming back.

She wasn't sure how long she sat there, just looking at his perfect face, outlining it all with her finger, playing with his curls. She didn't want to move, she just wanted to be here with him. It was where she belonged anyway.

She was vaguely aware of Cho touching her shoulder, telling her they needed to take his body. She shook her head, muttering about him needing to stay with her. She kept grasp of his body, refusing to let go.

FBI eventually came in and started to take hold of Lisbon. She screamed at them to let her stay with Jane. He needed her, he was going to be confused when he woke up, and he needed to know that she was going to be there.

They started to move Jane's body and Lisbon fought the arms which had entrapped her. She kicked against them and begged them to leave him where he was. Pleaded that they let her go, let her be with the man she loved.

No one listened to her though and she could only watch as they zipped him into the body bag and cart him out of there.

She fell against the body that was holding her, unaware it was her second in command. She stayed in his arms whilst sobbing and crying out Jane's name.

Again she was unsure how long she sat there crying, but she was aware that Van Pelt and Rigsby had joined them.

They all sat together in the middle of the motel, holding onto one another, trying to accept the fact that their consultant had been taken away from them.

A week later they held Patrick Jane's funeral.

Lisbon was numb. She had felt like this when her mother died, but she knew this time it hurt more. She was still convinced that he was going to turn up and surprise her like he normally did.

But she knew he wouldn't. He was gone. She needed to accept that.

She stayed by his grave long after everyone had gone. She didn't have any words to say, just sat beside it, looking over his name again and again.

She took a long breath in and started to sob, asking herself and God why she wasn't dying too since both of their hearts had been ripped out.


End file.
